Why I No Longer Talk About Race With White People

After following the media coverage associated with a grand jury's decision not to indict Darren Wilson for shooting Michael Brown, as well as the divergent responses from white and black Americans, I decided that I was no longer going to discuss any issues involving race in a mixed race setting—in particular, one that includes white people.

This is because no matter what a black person says about racism, discrimination or racial profiling, most white people always seem to believe that they are the final arbiters on black people's experiences in America; on whether our claims of racism and discrimination are valid; on whether we are entitled to feel aggrieved by the injustices we THINK we have faced; on whether we are competent; and on whether we are deserving of the same rights, protections and opportunities that they feel are their birthright as Americans.

After years of conversations—in college classes and cocktail parties—I have realized that white people subconsciously believe that their opinion on the black experience trumps my actual experience  as a black woman, and that no amount anecdotal or actual evidence will change what they have decided is the truth about black people's lives and experiences in this country.

More important, I am refusing to discuss racism with white people because they're generally uninvested in ending it, so these conversations are at best, feel good opportunities for those that think it's wrong and blame game sessions for those who believe it either doesn't exist or that what blacks perceive as racial bias against all of us is justified by the actions of some of us.

As I get older, I can no longer afford to frustrate myself by discussing issues that impact MY life with people who believe that they know more about me and my experiences than I know about myself; especially, when I know that my perspective only matters if it validates theirs. Moreover, I'm at a point in my life where I cannot afford to invest my limited free time in unproductive discourse that will lead to neither understanding nor resolution of a particular problem.

So instead of wasting my time on fruitless attempts to influence white America's opinions and attitudes regarding race and racial injustice, I plan to avoid such conversations, opting instead to talk about the Saints' dismal record, the merits of okra versus filé gumbo or any other topic about which I know my opinion will be accepted.